Blacklisted.

Exhibit A

Here is my case against black:

– It doesn’t blend in easy enough! Too much thought has to go into your color combinations so you don’t end up looking like you’re in costume i.e. black+yellow= bumble bee, black+orange= Halloween, black+red= Trailblazer fan gear, etc.

– Black fades, and some worse than others over time. Needless to say, when you wear your various black pieces together it creates an odd clashing of dull blacks.

– Head to toe black often comes off so seriously serious. Lighten up!

– Aren’t you hot in there??

– Two words: pet hair. And I take it that since you’re so low-maintenance you’re probably not carrying around a lint roller.

– Instead of throwing on something black because it makes you feel slimmer, why don’t you put in the effort to actually make yourself healthier by embracing your shape instead of hiding in it.

Plea Bargain:

– I love the combinations of black in conjunction with blue as well as black with brown. Try it! They’re beautiful together. The brown+blue combo really tones down the harsh black.

– Is it appropriate to wear black to a wedding? YES! My highly unscientific study says that the majority of bridesmaids wear black and an LBD+heels shouts “I dressed up for this!”

– Oh and btw: why bother with dictating other’s fashion at your wedding? I think it best that your guests just be comfortable so that they can focus all of their attention on you, Mrs. To-Be-Determined.

– I find it passé to wear black to most funerals in the United States. Celebrate someone’s amazing life by wearing your Personal Best.

– As your fashion magistrate, it is my Honour to help you in defining your P.B. so that you will be fashionably prepared for any occasion with minimal forethought.

Court Order:

For inspiration on how to do black right (aka the New York/European way) spend some time learning from the Chief Justice himself, Scott Schuman. He finds the exception to every fashion ruling…